Telling kid about moving before it's for sure?

Post date: 2019-05-24 23:51:19

My husband is in the interview process for a major career move that would mean moving to another city about 3 hours away. My question is about our kid, who is just finishing 3rd grade. We have an opportunity to visit the new city as a family in early June, almost definitely before he has an answer, let alone a negotiated offer, and likely no opportunity to do this with our daughter any other time before moving. Should we go for this visit with her? Should we tell her about the possible move even if is not certain?

She is an only child and a sensitive and astute person. If we go but don't tell her why and then later we do move I think she will be very resentful that she didn't know. If we tell her and then we don't move, I think we will have put her through major emotional stress for no reason. Or maybe I'm projecting, because I am still working through my own grief about the prospect of this move even though it makes sense for his career (will be keeping that to myself/therapist). If this search doesn't work out, we will probably have to move cities for his career to progress, ideally within the next few years. Should we just address this reality with our daughter?

He looks to be the only candidate moving forward at this point, so this seems like a really strong possibility (although they could also put the whole search on hold and restart of course). The hiring timelines in this field are excruciatingly slow. If it pans out, he would probably start in August or September and we would move in late summer in time for the school year.

While it would be nice to visit, I don't really need to at this point. My husband thinks we should tell her and go for a visit. She hasn't been to this city before, and there are no obvious reasons for her to like it more
or less than any other city we could move to (no family close by, no unique features relevant to her interests) although of course we would find great things for all of us to get involved in if we settle there.

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